Navigating Toxic Friendships, Embracing Spiritual Awakening, and Cultivating Authentic Connections: A Journey of Inner Healing

AHHHH!!! Here’s the juicy story you’ve all been dying to hear—LOL! Get ready for laughs, jaw-dropping moments, and a lesson so profound you might’ve been dodging it like a pro. Buckle up and enjoy the show! 🍿

Unfortunately, my journey to connect with women didn’t start until after high school. Even back then, finding loyal friends was a struggle. But luckily, I graduated with two amazing girls who had my back through thick and thin. They understood my upbringing without me even having to explain, always there for me financially, emotionally, and socially. They showed me the kind of unconditional support I never knew I needed. Shoutout to my Cancer and Pisces friends who are still in my life a decade later!

The real tea kicked off in college! That’s when I started to realize that the drama with “friends” wasn’t just surface-level—it was on some next-level spiritual stuff. Remember how I mentioned in Blog 3 that I was going through major life transitions and personal issues? Well, add friend drama on top of all that trauma I was trying to heal from, and it was a whole new level of craziness!

I’ve realized that I haven’t had a truly genuine friend since high school, and I think it’s because I hadn’t fully become the person I am today—confident, secure, and undeniably attractive (humbley, always). This isn’t meant to downplay the value of my two close friendsfrom High School but rather to acknowledge a change I’ve observed in myself.

In high school, I felt like I was just blending in and didn’t really connect with who I was. It wasn’t until college that I began to truly discover myself. By the time I transferred to GCU in my junior year, I finally felt like I was fully stepping into my authentic self.

That’s when the real tea started boiling. I noticed Taurus 1 and Libra friends mimicking everything I did. Nah like forrel. Libra had an issue. It’s as if she wanted to switch bodies with me or take my place/ Destiny. She was after every “man” that I was talking to. Like, fr. If I was in a realtionshp with the man, next two weeks or after we break up- she was after him. & when I say after him, it was all of them. If a ninja was giving me attention she needed that same attention, so she would either suck his dick or have sex with him, LMAO.. it never really bothered me. For me, the value of friendship outweighed any guy. My motto was, “Ninjas come and go,” so I didn’t care if she went after a man I was in a long-term relationship with. Once I was done with someone, I was done. But I always kept an eye on her behavior and understood her better than she understood herself. Her issues with self-esteem and self-worth were deeper than the ocean. Because I understood her struggles, I didn’t let her actions impact our friendship too much. At that point in my life, maintaining my friendships was more important than confronting her about her behavior. I always found ways to justify what she did because I felt for her.

Eventually, we drifted apart due to life transitions. Our values no longer aligned, but what really did it for me was her constant victim mentality. No matter what happened, she could never hold herself accountable or grow as a person. So, we went our separate ways. 

Now, Taurus was somewhat of a loyal friend. We got along well until we transferred to a four-year school together. She had always been boy-crazy, but things took a turn when we became housemates. I started noticing that she would wait for me to start getting dressed before she put on her own clothes. It struck me as odd. This behavior continued, and I began to see that she was mimicking everything I did—my speech, my style, even my mannerisms.

I tolerated it until I started getting more attention than she was. While hanging out in groups, I noticed she began "jokingly" making fun of my accent and how I pronounced things. For context, English is my third language. When we were around guys, her behavior would change drastically, and I didn’t even recognize her anymore.

By this time, I was truly growing into my authentic self and clarifying what I wanted in life and who I wanted around me. I was already checked out, so the fallout wasn’t a big deal to me. I was secure in myself and focused on personal growth. After all, I was navigating my own awakening as a young woman, which was enough to handle without the added drama.

 So, here’s another boiling tea: I had two other “best friends” growing up—Taurus 2 and Pieces. 

Taurus was someone I thought was a real friend, but as time went on, it became clear the friendship was one-sided. It felt like I was her personal therapist and emotional dumpster. I didn’t fully realize it until 2020, when I finally confronted her. I asked her why she was never there for me and why everything was always about her. The phone went silent. She couldn’t say a word. That was my wake-up call: she clearly didn’t care about me. It was like she was shocked that I had feelings and could actually be hurt.

I even remember a specific day when I told her about a fight I was having with my mother and how it was affecting my mental health. She gaslit me, dismissing my struggles and implying my life was “perfect.” That was the final straw. After that, I cut her off in 2020 and blocked her.

The nerve of her, though—she called me a year later from an unknown number. I thought maybe she was calling to apologize, but no, she called to say, “Hewan, I need you. I’m struggling.” I was hanging out with my Gemini friend that day, and we both laughed at the audacity. I hung up on her, laughing in her face. She deserved it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I never heard from her again, thank God.

And then there’s Pieces. Honestly, this one really stung, and I’m still not sure what went wrong. From my perspective, we got along really well. I saw her as a sister—literally. We used to tell people we were sisters. As we grew up, our lives started to change. My body was transforming—I was losing weight and growing into my adult body—while hers went in the opposite direction. The community around us started questioning how I achieved my transformation, not knowing it was a result of my depression, as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs. Unfortunately, that wasn’t something the adults around us considered.

Her mom even began asking me to help her daughter lose weight, but I always corrected her, understanding how damaging that could be for Pieces and our friendship. Despite my efforts, it had an impact. Pieces started distancing herself from me. I confronted her multiple times, but she always insisted there was nothing wrong with her or our “friendship.” Deep down, I knew something was off. It didn’t make sense that someone I considered a sister would suddenly switch up on me for no apparent reason.

As the distance between us grew, I found myself reflecting more on our past interactions. Despite her large following, she never seemed interested in supporting my creative pursuits. It felt odd and hurtful, and no amount of rationalizing could erase the sting of her indifference.

What made it even more painful was witnessing how differently she treated her other friends. She was always enthusiastic and supportive of their endeavors, offering them the encouragement and recognition that I had hoped for but never received. With me, it felt as though I was invisible. Her lack of interest made me feel neglected and undervalued, deepening the sense of distance between us.

Eventually, I was able to charge it all to the game, and for a long time, I tolerated the disloyalty. I did this only because I genuinely loved her and enjoyed our vibe. We were truly like Yin and Yang. But as I grew into my more confident self, I realized I no longer had the patience for bad behavior, toxic friendships, or anyone who wasn’t meeting me where I was in terms of love, kindness, and loyalty.

So, what did I do? I unfollowed her on every social media platform. To me, there was no point in keeping up with each other or pretending to be “cool” when our dynamic had been dead for quite some time. I even had those who were our “mutual friends” stop talking to me—LMAO, the trash took itself out. It was as if I was evolving into the free eagle I was always meant to be, and GOD was clearing out all the toxic folks from my life without me having to lift a finger. To this day, when people ask about her, including her mom, I simply say, “We just grew apart, and that happens.”

Now, fast forward to 2020. The Tigray genocide began, plunging the home country into unimaginable suffering—rape, death, starvation, and more at the hands of the Ethiopian and Eritrean militaries, along with foreign rebels like Fano. The entire diaspora, including myself, rallied and protested across the globe. That’s when I started my TikTok journey, using the voice God blessed me with to spread awareness.

And then, BOOM—enter the devil herself, Ms. Capricorn, and Ms. Delusional Gemini. I’ll get into Ms. Gemini later, but let’s just say that’s when the nightmare really kicked off.

Capricorn and I connected through TikTok. She was a huge fan, always showing love, and I found her to be “beautiful,” so we immediately bonded over culture, fashion, and her constant displays of “love.” We quickly connected on social media platforms and even exchanged numbers. We didn’t text much, but we talked a lot on Instagram. When it was time for me to travel to her state for a protest, that’s when we really connected. But that’s also when her lies began—although they didn’t come out until two years later. Her first big lie was telling her close friends, who lived in the same city as her, that (one) I didn’t like them and (two) I was talking shit about them. Mind you, I had never even known or met them until I was in her city. 

The funny thing is, she’d also tell me that her little friend (Libra) didn’t like me either. Yet, she would put us both in the same space and stick to me like glue, leaving Libra on the sidelines. The more this happened, the clearer my eighth sense became. She was glued to me because of my social media presence, my fashion sense, and the attention I was getting. She wanted all of it. She went above and beyond to impress me, but why? I had just finished my master’s degree and was starting a nonprofit organization with a sister back home, where we provided free therapy to survivors of sexual abuse in response to the Tigray genocide. Because of that, she would say things like, “You inspire me. You make me want to be like you. That’s why I’m studying hard.” The lies continued. Unbeknownst to me, it was all a facade—she seemed to be exercising her lips to impress me, and I was always supportive, telling her she could achieve anything she set her mind to. The lies went on like that for months.

I noticed it, but I tolerated it, thinking it was a reflection of her own lack of self-worth and low self-esteem. I just couldn’t understand why I was her target for both harm and admiration. It wasn’t until Seattle, where another protest occurred, and I invited her into my family’s home, still believing she deserved trust and kindness, that things came to a head. We shared a room during that trip, so we had plenty of time to talk. She abruptly asked if I had experienced sexual assault, and I shared with her what I had disclosed in Blog 3. In return, she told me about her own experience, claiming her uncle was abusing her. It turned out to be another lie—she was actually sharing her friend’s (Libra’s) story as if it were her own.

I discovered all of this only after I cut her out of my life for her deceptive behavior. Despite everything, I hugged her and comforted her while she cried her eyes out. After all, we were both survivors of abuse, and as her “good friend,” I told her that her story was her power and that she would overcome it. Many things happened, from her mimicking my personality, fashion sense, and behaviors, to even copying my speech. I noticed it, but I let it slide, thinking maybe she was just so inspired by me that I was her role model. However, It made me uncomfortable because the dynamic between us was shifting in a way I couldn’t ignore.

Y'all! Las Vegas was the icing on the cake for me. Fast forward to another event/protest in LV. We planned it together and shared a room. This trip was a real eye-opener and mentally awakening for me. While we were in LV, a friend of mine from a different country came to visit. We were friends, no romantic interest on my end, though he was interested. I even convinced him to come to America for the event, and he did.

Anyway, he was calling and texting me, and we were engaging. One day, he invited me to lunch with him and his friends. Mind you, he was a well-known public figure (I won’t disclose what he’s famous for), internationally recognized, and all his friends were also famous artists. So, of course, I brought Capricorn along.

During the lunch preparations, she kept telling me he liked me and advising me to pursue him and get to know him. LMAO. But when lunch came, her energy shifted to this desperate “pick me, choose me” vibe. I didn’t care because I had zero interest in the guy, but her behavior was suspicious, so I decided to investigate a bit more once we were alone.

After lunch, we went back to the room to get ready for the event that night, and she asked me, “Boo, I think he likes you. Do you like him?” I responded with a firm, “No, boo,” but she kept insisting I should get to know him. I reiterated that I wasn’t interested. Then I said, “You know who I am interested in though?”

Her: who?

Me: His friend?

Her: Which one?

Me: the singer's brother. I think he is handsome and our conversation was flowing. Don’t you think? 

Her: OH, yea! I think he likes you. Def go for it. 

So. The conversation ends there. We get dressed. And go to the last event of the trip.

Side note: The entire trip, she was following the internationally known celebrity around like a puppy on a leash, even after telling me to pursue him. She was dancing with him, drinking with him, literally acting like a freaking puppet. That’s when my investigation of her really began.

Day 3, and we’re at the outdoor event. I’m introducing her to my friends and even dressed her up because she couldn’t come up with a fit to both culturally showcase the genocide and make a fashion statement. 

Anyway, the event was going great, and finally the performers took the stage. I told her I’d be back because I was vlogging for my YouTube channel (check out my TYLV video on YT if you want to catch her in 4k: Hewan T). I was walking around, leaving her alone for a bit, and then—boom—I caught her all cozy with him, rubbing her little flat ass on him while he held her- like they were a couple. And yes, it was the same guy I told her I was interested in. My entire body felt like it was on fire. I felt so betrayed. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I dragged her by the arm to a corner to avoid being seen and confronted her. She panicked and started breaking down, claiming it wasn’t what it looked like. She tried to gaslight me even though I saw everything with my own two eyes & caught it on camera. I even told her I was testing her, but that I didn’t actually like any of these NInjas. I was just disappointed because how could she call me a sister, almost convince me to move with her to LA, and then hurt me like this? I was shocked and emotionally SHUT DOWN afte that. Later that evening, she was throwing up and crying all night. I knew it was guilt eating at her. I took care of her despite my own hurt. A person I considered a sister turned out to be the worst chapter in my story. My energy shifted after that. People also mentioned they saw everything, lol. I left the next day, taking all my stuff to my other home girl's room, Sag. I was crying the whole time because I had relaized Capricorn was a narcissist with dependent personality disorder (goole it)!

The trip ended on a wild note: she kept texting me, trying to downplay everything she’d done. She said, “You’re gonna let a guy come between us?” Lmao… Seriously, the more she texted, the more she revealed her own foolishness and hidden motives. Despite my attempts to give her grace, she lied about everything. When she realized I was done with her, she twisted everything I’d said and done, made it look like I was the villain, and then blocked me, lmaooo! I’ll give her credit, though; she’s incredibly calculated.

Libra was on her side, but then, out of nowhere, a few weeks later, she falls out with all her friends, especially Libra. Libra called me to apologize, and we both realized Capricorn had been playing us both—lying and stirring up chaos because that’s what narcissists thrive on. And now Gemini… Oh man, the connection will make you laugh and be shocked

Gemini and I had a genuine connection; I truly considered her a real friend—until she wasn’t. I still care deeply because I saw who she could be, but she eventually showed a different side. She was possessive and often suspicious, believing people were lying or trying to play her. I understood her fears and tried to be the bigger person, creating a safe space for her despite her behaviors.

However, she became possessive when I spent time with other friends and made subliminal comments reflecting her insecurities. I never let it affect my view of her—until she accused me of lying when a plan fell through. I chose to prioritize my own needs and rescheduled to hang out with other friends. Her response was a long text accusing me of never wanting to hang out with her, which wasn’t true. One thing about me: don’t be possessive. I’m not your NIGGA!!!

Rewind to the LV trip with Capricorn. I confided in her about Gemini’s possessive behavior and my decision to distance myself because of it. Surprisingly, Capricorn advised patience, which was solid advice, but I wasn’t willing to tolerate bad behavior for the sake of being patient. I said it was probably the end of that dynamic.

Fast forward: after cutting off Capricorn for her narcissistic traits and losing all her friends, including me, she decided to reach out to Gemini. The only connection they had was through me, as I wanted both of them to be "cool" because I considered them two of my “genuine friends.” Capricorn’s calculated move was to contact Gemini via IG and spread lies about me, claiming I talked shit about her, said I didn’t like her, and who knows what else, all to paint me as the villain. Her goal was to have Geimini on her side not knowing I was actually done with her.

Now, Gemini and Capricorn are best friends, bonding over their shared hatred for me. It’s ironic because Gemini used to warn me about Capricorn’s behavior, advising me to stay away due to her "weird and evil spirit." Now they’re besties, LMAO

While I went through additional traumatic experiences, I learned a significant life lesson from all these "friendships." I discovered the importance of healing my mother wounds to understand why I attracted the opposite of what I deserved. Just like with men, I realized the need to avoid people who use me for my looks and to value discernment in friendships as much as in romantic relationships.

I learned about my own wants, needs, and values, and grew closer to God. Once I understood the "why" behind these experiences, I was blessed with the opportunity to connect with women who are the complete opposite of the narcissistic ones I had befriended. I aligned with God-fearing women who drew me closer to my faith, who genuinely cared about my well-being, and who saw me as a person. These women sought nothing from me beyond the same genuine love I had been seeking and longing for decades.

SO WHAT?

Navigating through the tumultuous waters of high school and college, I’ve come to understand that our friendships can be arenas of deep spiritual warfare. The struggles I faced weren't just about petty drama—they were about confronting and overcoming the forces that sought to exploit my vulnerabilities and test my resolve. These experiences illuminated the necessity of spiritual discernment in my relationships. If you're grappling with similar issues, recognize that your journey is not just a battle for your heart but also for your soul. Trust in your inner wisdom and spiritual guidance to discern the true nature of those around you. Seek out connections that elevate you spiritually and emotionally, and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from those who drain your energy or exploit your kindness. By aligning yourself with people who support your spiritual growth and honor your true self, you fortify your spirit against the negativity and deceit that can cloud our paths. Embrace the strength and clarity that comes from understanding your worth and surrounding yourself with genuinely supportive and faith-driven individuals.

   As you reflect on your own relationships and personal growth, ask yourself: Are the people in your life uplifting and aligned with your highest self, or are they mirroring the toxic patterns you’ve been striving to overcome? How can you shift your focus to attract and nurture connections that truly resonate with your authentic self?

-Hewan T